Helping Parentified Children
A Guide For Counselors
Engagement
Getting to Know the Story
When working with parentified children, it is critical to create a space that recognizes both the child and the parent as clients. Parents should be asked to join the initial session and some subsequent sessions. This will help parents to feel that they are part of the work, as the solution will require their engagement in the process.
As a counselor, establish trust with the child and the parent, without appearing to side with one over the other. It is important to validate both the child and parent's feelings about their current situation. It is essential that you do not consistently praise the child for being "responsible, and mature", inadvertently reinforcing the very idea that their worth is tied to being a responsilbe and mature mini adult.
It would be unlikely that there is family insight regarding parentification at this point. You may not have enough information to hypothesize that there is an issue of parentification. Bringing up parentification too early, without any relationship between the counselor and parent may have a negative impact, such as defensiveness from the parent, resulting in them pulling their child out of therapy.
Once there is more trust, more information may be divulged that will help you determine if there is parentification. Focusing on the emotional and behavioral aspects of why they came to therapy is a good starting point.
Key Points:
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It is important that the counselor does not consistently praise the child for being “responsible” and “mature”, inadvertently reinforcing the idea that their worth is tied to being a responsible and mature mini adult.
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Bringing up parentification prematurely may cause the parent to become defensive, resulting in potentially pulling their child out of therapy.
Returning to Casey: Engagement
When working with a child, it is important to engage them in a way that is interactive. Allowing Casey to play with a fidget toy or play a "get to know you" game helps Casey to feel less anxious while she shares her story. Taking the time to meet with Casey first, her mother separately, and the two together allows you to get to know them in a safer manner.