Helping Parentified Children
A Guide For Counselors
Have you ever worked with a child who seems older than their age? Do they seem anxious or worried about "adult" matters? If you have, and wondered how to intervene, this site will offer information and practical interventions to help guide you in working with these children.
What is Parentification?
Parentification is when children assume adult roles and responsibilities due to a breakdown in family boundaries. Parentification, a term first coined by Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark (1973), is caused by one or both parents/caregivers being unable to fulfill their caregiving tasks and responsibilities. Children take on these tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the younger siblings, and in some cases, provide emotional support to their parents. Parentification is different from a parent giving their child extra household tasks to develop character.
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How do you know if a child is parentified?
Do they come across as being older than their age, as if they are an "old soul"?
Do they take on developmentally inappropriate adult roles and tasks such as caretaking for their younger siblings, cleaning, and cooking for the rest of the family?
Do they worry about their parents' well-being?
Do they feel like they have to be the emotional support for their parents?
Answering yes to some of these questions may indicate the child is parentified. In order to determine if this is the case, a comprehensive assessment is recommended. Information about assessments can be found here:
If you are interested in taking a fuller quiz to see if the child may be parentified, please click below.
Why Does This Matter?
This matters because early caregiving is expected to increase due to the reasons listed below.
People having children later in life. As a consequence, there is a higher probability that these parents may experience chronic medical health issues when their children are young.
In addition, illnesses that were once thought to occur in people later in life have been increasingly diagnosed for adults earlier in life, such as Parkinson's. As a result of these two factors, children may be asked to be early caregivers to their families.
Additionally, the COVID-19 pandemic caused 250,000 children to lose a caregiver, contributing to factors that increase the risk for parentification. Parentification can have both positive and negative impacts.
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Not all parentification brings negative consequences. As a result of their added responsibilities, some children develop mastery of skills and competence. Parentified children achieve growth by making meaning from their struggles and some discover their resilience.
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Negative Impacts of Parentification
However, there will be some children who may struggle with emotional and behavioral issues as a result of being destructively parentified. These are more likely the children you are working with to help them manage their emotions and stress. Keep in mind that there is a high probability that the family may be struggling with other issues that may exacerbate the effects of parentification.
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Meet "R", a young woman who was parentified as a young child, speaks to how parentification affected her.
Key Points:
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Parentification, when children assume adult tasks and responsibilities, is different from parents giving extra household chores to develop character.
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There can be negative and positive consequences because of being parentified, such as anxiety, depression, and dissociation for the former, and resilience, sense of mastery, and competence for the latter.
Meet Casey, A Case Study in Parentification
To better understand parentification, I am presenting Casey, a 10 year old child who has been parentified. Her case is presented throughout to help provide an in-depth look into this issue. This case study will go more in depth than the recording of "R", which offers a brief commentary from a lived experience perspective. Casey, on the other hand, is a case study that reinforces important information in each section to illustrate what you may experience in working with a parentified child. As you read her case, consider key points that would help you to conceptualize Casey's struggles and how you would approach working with her.
Casey is a 10 year old girl who comes into treatment due to her anxiety. She worries about her mother's health and finances. She feels overwhelmed and has been lashing out at her mother when she gets angry. Casey feels terrible and guilty afterwards. She does not want her mother to worry or feel more stress. She was referred to you because she has been having more emotional outbursts lately, and her mother does not know what to do. Her mother feels overwhelmed herself and is seeking your help.